How many times have we been the mirrors for the projections of others? And how many times have we projected our stuff onto someone else?
These are not the pretty things we like to ponder but there are the gems of some real growth in considering these questions.
When you are told that your issues are about something inside you rather than about the other person, how do you react? Do you first go into disbelief and then justification? ‘What do you mean it’s not about them? They’re being ridiculous, an idiot, unkind, outrageous, ________[fill in the blank]!’ Of course we want it to be about them because it is much easier to consider ourselves to be victims than to own responsibility for what is happening in a relationship.
Let me say here that I am not talking about abuse. This is never acceptable. But when you feel that you are the victim of abuse you must ask yourself what you are to learn and sometimes the answer is that you must remove yourself from the relationship. When you make the abuse about either your own inadequacy, such as creating an excuse for why you might have deserved the treatment you received, or when you make the abuse about the other person and you don’t take action except to get angry or fearful, then you have given away your power to an abusive relationship and you are not owning your opportunity for personal growth.
In every relationship there are many opportunities for growth but we tend to want to romanticize our romantic relationships or make family relationships about what happened in the past. Sometimes in friendships we have expectations that are not realistic or, on the other hand, we excuse behaviors in our friends that we wouldn’t tolerate in our partners. We get our boundaries all mixed up about what is mine and what is theirs.
It is important to examine our relationships for where the healthy boundaries are. Know what is yours and what is the other person’s. Not clear? Then work on this with someone who is not emotionally charged in the relationship so that you can become clear about where the healthy boundaries lie.
Think of every relationship as a mirror that your inner Self is holding up to you so that you can see in that mirror the work that is ‘in your face’ today for you to work on. And then do the work.
Remember that an issue is probably not about you unless it is pointing you in the direction of a lesson to be learned. Honor those lessons by allowing the relationship to be the classroom in the School of Life on Earth and learn the lesson without becoming defensive or retaliatory. Lessons in relationships can help both the individuals to grow. And if you feel that you cannot grow in the relationship, then re-examine your reason for staying there.
Sometimes the healthiest boundaries come from creating great distance.
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MUSE-INGS: “Can you feel the Energy of Oneness?” by Rosemary Bredeson
May 3, 2011 — RosemaryAre you hearing the Hum of the Universe? Are you ready to raise your vibrational level? And what does all this mean?
The first meaning of this message has to be a charge to us to move away from a life of fear. Too many people are struggling in fear and living their lives without a sense of community because fear has caused them to distrust others. Somehow, those who live in fear are concerned that they won’t have enough and that, if you do have what you need, you are taking something away from them. I’m not sure where this myth started but I have some ideas.
What if people started to examine their fears to see if they are real? If there really is a sabre-toothed tiger chasing you then you should probably run [or do something to protect yourself]. But if there is a societal problem then perhaps being in fear is not the most resourceful place to be. What if, instead of hoarding or trying to keep you from having something so that my store isn’t diminished, we worked together to find solutions so that everyone is taken care of? This is what community is all about.
Remember the Y2K concerns and how some people were stocking up on supplies in case transportation was disrupted, some communities were making arrangements for people to be taken care of, and some folks felt it necessary to stock up on bullets in case someone tried to get food or water from them?
Well, humanity needs to evolve beyond that. The Energy of Oneness brings us into an awareness of the Other, all those other people who are connected to us, whether we know them or not. Awareness of the needs of self and others can foster compassion in us, if we allow that to be so. Or it can trigger that ‘gather up the bullets so I can protect what is mine’ energy. Which do you choose today?
Think about this message and the Hum of the Universe that is being noticed. We can choose the vibrational level at which we operate. We can choose to open our hearts to be active within the energy of Love. We can eat, shop, relate to Mother Earth responsibly and choose to lift our own vibration. We can advocate and share and connect with others to help the community experience a raised vibration.
I recently worked at a Self Care Fair sponsored by the GLBT Chamber of Commerce in Colorado Springs. Among many interesting conversations we talked about our ‘aha’ moments and living our passions. When is the last time you had a deep and meaningful conversation with friends and/or acquaintances about subjects that went beyond the surface of shallow topics? Creating deep connections with others in our communities will help us to live the Energy of Oneness.
One of the participants in these conversations is a coach who said that she had someone assume she was a witch because she used words like ‘transformation’ and ‘alignment’ to describe her coaching programs. Imagine the fear under which one must operate to leap from the word ‘transformation’ to being afraid of a witch! Obviously, this person was taught to fear and even words that should have been neutral disturbed her so much that she leapt to the conclusion that only a witch would use them and, to her, ‘witch’ was also something to fear. How sad.
Listen to the Hum of the Universe and let go of fear. You are a part of a community of Sensitives who are responding to this Hum by focusing on Oneness, not separation. Take comfort that there are many others who hear the Hum and who are buoyed by the knowledge that humanity is evolving into greater consciousness.
Welcome to the community of the fully human!
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