Relationships. Always a challenge. Always an opportunity. Always a potential source of joy.
Sometimes we think immediately of an intimate or love relationship when we hear the word, but we are in relationships with others whether they be long term, intimate or just the person who is the cashier at the grocery store. Do you think of relationships in this way?
When a grocery cashier seems to be having a bad day or appears grumpy, what is your reaction? Do you get grumpy in response or do you get understanding and sympathetic? When your child is angry and upset and possibly screaming at you, do you react in kind or do you try to look at things from their perspective? When your partner has upset you, are you in reactive mode or thoughtful mode to see what you are really feeling and which lens you are looking through?
I was working with a client recently and received this guidance for her: Give yourself permission to have the reaction but choose the best response. You don’t have to follow through with the reaction. You have options to respond a different way. It can be easy to keep going with the initial knee-jerk reaction but when you are living a Conscious Life you hit the pause button, notice the reaction but choose the appropriate response.
For example, those of us who are helpers tend to jump to help another when we perceive the need. But is this the best response? Are we looking through our own lens and not allowing them to have theirs? Our reaction might be to jump in and help but perhaps the best response is to support them in finding their own solution.
Or someone might be angry and our immediate reaction is to feel that they are angry at us. They might not even be noticing us at the time but we react to their anger without pausing to see if that is the best response for us to choose at the time. Maybe our Dad hit us when he was angry and the little child in us is afraid that will happen again whenever we are around anger. Or we had a lover once who shouted angrily just before they stormed out of the door, never to be seen again, and we are reacting with our fear of being abandoned again.
There is always so much more going on in any relationship than meets the eye at the surface of things. Allow yourself the freedom to take time to notice where you are in your own feelings as you relate to others. Are YOU having a bad day and the grocery cashier being slow allows you to vent your feelings on them? Is your partner really upsetting you or are you already upset about something and they are merely triggering your reaction?
Be conscious of your feelings. If you need to, then practice going inside to assess what is true for you in this present moment. Your lens has been created by all of your life experiences and it exists at an unconscious level within you. It’s not something that you can access through analysis or your mind. You must learn to feel your feelings and to express them appropriately. But this can only happen if you take time to do the inner work, uncover what exists at the unconscious level and bring it into your awareness.
The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. Are you looking at yourself through a harsh, judgmental lens, created from your past experiences? Or is your lens foggy with misconceptions or blurry images that you haven’t taken the time to examine and clear up? Maybe the place to start is to work on this internal relationship first. Then you can change the prescription on your lens and see all your other relationships in a new light!
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Mystic Messages 
Muse-ings: Engage as an Explorer
March 21, 2012 — RosemaryIt’s interesting to me that in the same message we are asked to get off our couches and go out to meet people and, while there, to engage them in discussions about ideas. I guess that means we are supposed to be having conversations that are deeper than the weather and the latest movie we’ve seen.
Do you have an avenue for those deeper conversations? Do you have a circle of friends with whom you can let down your hair and explore ideas or are your interactions about everyday affairs (or the affairs the neighbors or having), the kids, the price of gas, etc. and then you go back to your own couch? Maybe there’s something really profound in this message to ‘reach out.’
How do you explore ideas for yourself? Are you so wrapped up in your own everyday life that it’s difficult to find time to think about something beyond what you have to deal with today? Is there anyone with whom you feel you can safely explore an idea without being judged or ridiculed as you explore? Maybe it’s time to deepen our human relationships so that we CAN expand our consciousness.
In Colorado Springs we started a Spiritual Exploration Group that met once a month to discuss interesting topics, chosen by the members. Guests were welcomed but there was one rule: This group met to discuss ideas, not to judge them or to criticize or to convince someone else to believe the same way. We dubbed this rule the ‘Discussion not Dogma Rule.’ And we had some fascinating discussions! The topics ranged from angels and other spirit beings to numerology to the possibility of extraterrestrial life to parallel universes to the elements of time. It was a delight to join with one or two dozen others every month for a wonderful meal at our favorite Indian restaurant and engage in these deep discussions. The owners of the restaurant often sat with us to participate as they, too, found the topics fascinating.
Can you do something like this in your area? Do you know a few people who might like to get together for dinner occasionally and have a discussion group?
We’ll be restarting the Spiritual Exploration Group in the Annapolis, Maryland area soon and will also be doing this online as a video conference so that distant people can join in the discussion. How can you participate in ‘idea exploration’ with rules that make it safe to bring up anything you’re thinking about without worrying what others will think or say? Maybe your group starts with you and one trusted friend, but that’s okay.
The time is here for humanity to grow in consciousness. We cannot sit idly by and let others decide what the human consciousness level in the 21st Century will be simply because we choose not to engage in the discussions that are necessary. If we allow the discussions to take place without us we are abdicating our right to contribute to the expansion of consciousness which is a part of our Soul Purpose in being alive on Planet Earth in these times.
We have both a right and a responsibility to engage in the discourse, to explore ideas, to reach into the depths and allow our own consciousness to grow and expand. This is what being fully human in the 21st Century calls us to do. And, in the process, we become the expanded human being we are meant to BE.
Engage. Explore. Expand.
Come exploring with us. And remember that the conversations need to be ‘Discussion not Dogma’!
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Please feel free to re-post this article and share it with your readers and followers. All I ask is that you include the following information when you do: