Rosemary’s messages always contain truth for me. And they often challenge me to go deeper, to examine, to look for the hidden message, often staring directly at me when I “have the eyes to see.”
Tonight as I write this I am spending it in my family farmhouse in Wisconsin. I’m not sleeping in my old room but in the guest room just adjacent to that room I spent hours in and dreamed my boyhood dreams. And with every experience on this visit, I am looking deeply for the lessons.
I am particularly struck tonight by these words from Rosemary: “Sometimes people think they are missing something, or broken and need to be fixed. Sometimes they feel they are not complete and are looking for someone/something to complete them.” I’ve often felt that I left part of me in Wisconsin when I moved away more than 40 years ago. I first left “home” right after graduating from the University of Wisconsin; I traveled to Ethiopia as a Peace Corps volunteer and stayed away for two years. I returned “home” for a couple of years but then left for good in 1972.
Of course there were many visits back “home” while my parents were alive. I now have two brothers who still live here on the family farm; I’m staying with my middle brother on this visit. And here’s what I have found: this is not my “home” and I can find no piece, not even the smallest piece of me here anymore. Does this mean I’ve grown up? Well, many would say I’ll never grow up; but perhaps I’ve finally, after all these years, found my true home. It was hiding all this time in plain sight!
This does not mean I no longer have a part of a Wisconsin farm in my heart. It does not mean the memories of growing up wild and free and at home on this then sprawling dairy farm are gone and forgotten. What it does mean is my home is inside me. It’s not a place, nor a time, not even relationships. It’s a beingness that was, is and always will be there as an integral part of who I am. It’s a home I can experience anywhere and any time. It’s always with me, right there in front of my eyes.
And this confirms another piece of Rosemary’s article. She wrote: “You are complete RIGHT NOW!!! You don’t need to be fixed or completed. Everything you NEED is inside you now.” My home is inside me right now; all of it. I don’t have a piece in Wisconsin, a piece in Colorado and a piece in Maryland. It’s right here.
This gets at wholeness. Home is only one part of that wholeness. Relationships are another part and that begins with the relationship we have with ourselves. Can we find the home inside if we never visit there? If we avoid an inner examination of who we really are, can we find any form of completeness? If we don’t have a good relationship with ourselves we may never find home!
It’s taken me 68 years to come “home” and discover I’ve been home for all of those 68 years! Do you know where your home is? Can you come home again?